As I was waking up this morning I remembered what it was like to wake up 1 year ago.  There was a noticeable caution, awareness, alertness.  There was less noise.  The awareness  of collective oneness was high.  We could all relate to each other.  Even if it was in uncertainty.  Everything stopped.  Everything changed.

We moved through darkness with the murders of black people, and our surge for peace and equanimity.  We went even deeper with corrupt government ‘leaders’ blatantly disrespecting black americans and anyone who isn’t a white man on the side of dictatorship.  We trenched through an unnerving election.  Holiday’s looked different for most people.  And then we made it to the new year, when we witnessed an insurrection of our capitol by white terrorists.  And as we meander even further into 2021 another violent mass murder of asian women happened by (you guessed it) a white man.

I’m writing all this down not to get you down, I promise.  Instead to remind you of what you’ve been through this year – a lot of shit. And this isn’t even what you experienced independently unique to you.  

So please, give yourself space today (and all days) to be gentle and understanding if you’re ‘not where you want to be’ or ‘sick of this shit’ or whatever hard emotions you may be feeling right now.  It has been a seriously tough year.  To be alive during a collective uprising, a collective resistance to violent crimes, an out-in-the-open disrespect of humanity.  AND move through a global pandemic is enough to have ANYBODY feeling exhausted, and helpless.  You’re expected to live through this, plus specific experiences unique to you and just.. Press on.  Unscathed.  Well that’s a load of bullshit.  You’re allowed to be mad, or sad, or confused, or exhausted.  And you’re allowed to feel those emotions and have support through them.  You’re even allowed to use these emotions as fuel.  All of this upchurning is coming up to be dealt with and transformed.  So if you’re into that kind of thing… well this is your time to shine.

This year has been absolutely hard.  Maybe even awful.  And you’re here for something.  You’re on purpose.  Remember your purpose.  Remember your why.  Practice what gets you motivated here and there.  Take it one baby lil step at a time.  Celebrate your small achievements.  Because even getting out of bed right now is a damn achievement.  Don’t look online, look in you.  This is an intense resilience training course, and damn, you’re doing a great job.  

All of these events are for real happening.  And my guess is that it may get even more intense.  So listen to your body.  Rest when you need rest.  Pee when you need to pee.  Move when you need to move.  Cry when you feel everything bubbling up and realize you might drown, scream when you need to scream.  And keep going.  You have people who care about you.  I know you’re doing the best you can. With all things considered.  And some days, your best is not as best as other days.  Which is weird, and good.  Keep getting up in the morning.  Keep living your life for you.  You’re doin’ a great job.