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How to ask for support

This time last year I was moving into my new apartment. The one I currently call home. The place I adore and spend 80% of my time in.


I planned for me to move in on a Wednesday. My car was packed. I had friends set to help me move. I left my old apartment that morning determined for it to be the last morning I woke up there. When I got to the new apartment building, ready to sign the lease, everything was off. The apartment hadn’t been cleaned yet, the layout was different than I had anticipated from the model walk through. And it turned out to be more over budget than I had initially thought. I felt flustered and scared that I wouldn’t have a place to stay.

In that moment I did something that up until then, I didn’t do. I let go of the plan to sign the lease right then and there and move my packed car inside and decided to take a day to get some space and perspective. I like to think that I can control things outside of myself and before this experience I would have done everything I could to stick to the original plan. I chose a new way. I told myself, I don’t have to move today. I still have a night at my old apartment. I have time. I’m sure my peeps helping me move will understand if they need to wait till tomorrow. And of course, they did.


So I told the landlord that I needed to wait until everything was clean and move-in ready until I sign anything. He agreed. I left the apartment building and went right to a nature preserve. The woods. Where I do my best higher thinking. I was spiraling in my mind looking up new places to rent on my phone not knowing what to do. Then someone walked up to the bench I was sitting on. She was taking a picture of the pond and the skyline. I kept debating in my head whether to talk to her about what just happened. I debated until she walked away. As she was almost to the trail head again, I called out to her. I explained my situation and that I was feeling nervous and if she had any advice. She said that the situation sounds tough and she didn’t know what she would do. She wished me the best and I thanked her and she walked away.


Though she didn’t have any additional input into my situation, the important part for me..was that I had the conversation. It was that I spoke out loud about it and got out of my head for a moment. Even though she was a complete stranger and didn’t know anything about me, I offered myself space to put things into perspective by talking with her. That’s a form of self care and self Love. Even though she didn’t know what she would do, she helped me by offering a connection to clarity.


She reminded me that we’re all here doing out best and that it’ll all be okay. I stopped looking at new apartment, made a list of pros and cons, and realized the pros definitely outweighed the cons at this apartment. I chose to have faith that I would be taken care of. I ended up getting a call from my landlord later that night saying everything was all clean and move-in-ready and that some utilities would be included in rent. I exhaled. I slept one more night in my old apartment and signed the lease and moved in the next day. My friends helping me the whole way through. When I got to the apartment it was spic and span clean, and I could see myself lively greatly in it.


I’m writing this to you to remind you that not everything (usually nothing) goes exactly to plan. Even if your car’s packed with half of your belongings ready to be unpacked, it can wait another day. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let go of your strong-willed determination. When you find yourself in a situation where you’re unsure and yet you think something haaas to happen in an exact way.. Take a couple steps back, your gut is trying to tell you something. Listen. There’s always space to get clarity. Breathe, don’t make any rash decisions, remember you’re loved, always. No matter what you do. Get out of your head and talk out loud to someone about what you’re experiencing. Maybe even a stranger. You’re not a burden. You can change your way of doing and your timeline and still have your end goal achieved. Like a good friend of mine always says, be firm in your ideal and flexible in your approach.


Your mind’s a lot less scary when it’s talked about out loud. Talking out loud about your thoughts also gives your power back to you. Where it belongs. Nothing ever has to go a certain way for it to all work out. Have faith in that. It’s safe to trust your cues.


Here’s your insight into practice, because passive reading won’t get you anywhere, practice and action does. Okay, here you go: this week, tell someone you wouldn’t normally talk to what’s on your mind. Someone whom you know well enough to know that they’ll listen. Dump it out and don’t apologize. And see what happens. And then tell me about your experience. I’d Love to hear from you. If you ever find yourself circling inside and feel a pull to talk about it to a stranger near you.. Do it. The universe may have placed them there to support you. You don’t even need to be in conversation already. It might change your life, or simply soften you a bit.


With Love Love Love,
Stephanie Lee