When I used to get sick, years ago, I remember I’d whip out every single natural remedy I could think of.  I hyper focused on being sick with one recurring thought, “What’s wrong with me and what can I do to fix it?”  This usually got me through the sickness, obsessing over: did I drink enough peppermint tea?  Did I get the right soup? Am I doing this right?  God, what a drag.  You feel me?  I’d want to fix it as fast as I could because I needed(wanted) to get back out there as quickly as possible.  And like… A wellness advocate doesn’t get sick, right?  Not right.  

I remember reading last year in a Louise Hay book that she thought she was all that because she was practicing spirituality.  She was getting the green lights, people were being nice to her, you know, all the superficial stuff that’s “supposed” to happen when you start manifesting your own life.  It didn’t occur to her that she’d ever experience her own kind of negativity again until she got sick with vaginal cancer.  Then started the real work of releasing dis-ease from her body.  And she did, by god, she cured her own vaginal cancer without any medication or surgeries, and never had a recurrence.  

I’d have this sort of thought process when I got sick, like “Okay, what’s the underlying thing here?  I need to figure this shit out so I can release it and WABAM, be full of ease once more.”  Except,  I was approaching it with the attitude of “Something is wrong with me.  I must get to the bottom of it.”  Instead of, “What do I need to support myself right now?”

This year has been wild, crazy, catastrophic.  No dramatics there.  I thought I was doing pretty good at handling it, actually very good.  I’m, like you, experiencing my own version of life during a pandemic, global uprising, and climate disasters.  Typing this right now, I’m like huh… it does make sense that I’d be at least a little bit stressed out with all this going on, natural even.  When the nervous system experiences stress, it releases the hormone cortisol.  Cortisol then fucks with our immune system.  I think back to things that I could be stressing about that could cause a sinus infection from what seems like out of nowhere… financial pressures, restarting a job after having 6 months off, relationship releasing.  And then I realize.. Ohhh right.  This is normal.

So now, here I am.  After three years of not getting sick once.  I have a sinus infection.  And here’s where I reaaaally want you to start paying attention.  I’m still doing certain things to support my spiritual practice and heal my body.  And now I’m coming from the attitude of, “What’s gonna feel good after I’m done doing it?  What’s gonna support me today? How can I Love on myself today?”  I’ve completely changed my way of thinking around being sick(for the most part(we’re all human)) and I’ve just now realized this.  And now, I let myself chill.  HA.  Previous life Stephanie (about 2 lives ago(in this lifetime)) wouldn’t have let myself watch movies or veg for hours and eat whatever soup I want, like the salty kind, and just be. Be with myself.  So here’s what I learned today: balance.  A little more about balance as a practice.  Meditating, doing a eucalyptus steam treatment, eating soup, emotional releasing/journaling AND binge watching soapy romantic movies, laying on my couch for hours, canceling plans to keep others safe, eating goldfish crackers, not caring that I’m not being productive, letting myself be.

Here’s what I want you to keep in mind, I’m writing this as a reminder to you, just as I get reminders from my people, be gentle with yourself.  Especially now.  Especially forever.  We’re all doing the best we can, I know you are.  If I can get a sinus infection in the middle of a global pandemic and let go of toxic “bettering” habits, you can handle whatever life throws at you.

And here’s your call to practice, because passive reading won’t get you anywhere.  Practice, and action does.  Here’s how to be more gentle with yourself, next time you look at yourself in the mirror, which is often I know, because your face is divine.  Look yourself in your eyes and say three times: Be gentle with yourself.  Yes, it’s that simple, and it’s no quick fix. It takes times to believe it, and it may sound cheesy, you may laugh, and it works.  Extra brownie points if you make it a daily practice.  There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing to fix. You’re divine. Keep going.  At whatever pace works for you today.

With Love,

Stephanie Lee